No Information Provided

Mon, 13 Sep 2004 02:48:49 GMT

camera confiscated.
-tear-

Sun, 12 Sep 2004 04:49:17 GMT

I'm going to cry.
did I really write all those words?

Sun, 12 Sep 2004 04:23:17 GMT

layout=fucked.

Tue, 07 Sep 2004 04:00:33 GMT

photos to come tomorrow. or later tonight.
all my direct links got fucked. I should fix that...
♥

Fri, 25 Jun 2004 20:01:13 GMT

we got pizza at Giovanni's.
then Andrew got strawberry milk at Pick it Deli.

then Kenny had no milk at my house, so he came over to take some looking like this:

Tue, 11 May 2004 21:48:48 GMT

my absolute favourite photo.

Amber! ♥

tongue piercing...

I totally have a good photo of Chris. <3

Tue, 04 May 2004 21:06:24 GMT

SIGN.

under the overpass

horse? car ornament, I believe. mustang possibly? coming from the most noncaroriented person ever.

me&Amanda [her pretending to be on the phone.]

ReD.

keys.

identify?

ShanNON.

John.

Phill's trademark.

me&JoeyC.

Jenna [mad at me about bad photos I'm not posting.]

Tue, 04 May 2004 20:46:38 GMT

me'n'Mahnoor

me'n'Niki [with glasses]

me'n'Niki [without glasses]

me'Lindsay

me'n'Amanda

me'n'Sissy

my back... hah.

book. [why do clocks run clockwise?]

Ashish. sort of.

Jenna. at the worst buffet restaurant EVER.

emo Jason.

Jason in my top.

Jason in my bra.

Mon, 19 Apr 2004 02:25:11 GMT

I'll start posting again once I get my new camera... like.. Wednesday. next Wednesday. because this is a photo journal-ish.

that and life is easy then. but not money.

Tue, 10 Feb 2004 00:50:47 GMT

I'm going to be picky about who I add.

if you want to be added, give me a good reason. since.. I don't get many comments from some of you.

first real photo entry.

Tue, 03 Feb 2004 21:36:40 GMT

001
002
003
004
005
006
007
008
009
010
011
012
013
014
015
016
017
018
019
020
021
022
023
024
025
026
027
028
029
030
031
032
033
034
035
036
037
038
039
040
041
042
043
043
044
045
046
047
048
049
050
051
052
053
054
055
056
057
058
059
060
061
062
063
064

Fri, 30 Jan 2004 02:21:27 GMT

I'm thinking photo journal.

<3333333333like woah.

XXX

Thu, 29 Jan 2004 02:09:27 GMT

hi, you don't know me.
cliche.
kthxbi.

welcome to my work in progress.

shoot you in the fucking face.

Thu, 29 Jan 2004 01:37:19 GMT

Niki, you fucking whore, why'd you have to go and get yourself pregnant? I cannot believe this, I cannot believe you. this is hurting me. I wish I could call you and tell you it'll be alright, I'll help, I'll offer to babysit, I wish I could. I wish it were that easy. you were the only one ever there for me, but now you're 16 and due in 5 weeks. I'm never very sure how to treat you, how this should be. I wish I could help you, mkae this all better, but... he was 21. how could you? you always used to talk to me, tell me about how unhappy you were, all I could do was listen. and now you're gone from my life, too cool for me I'm sure, too busy being fucked to bother save me from the people you know I cannot stand. it's not my fault, but that never stopped me from trying to help you.

fuck you, conscience.

Thu, 04 Dec 2003 02:38:22 GMT

I notice you most when you're away.

and now, right about now, it'd be so nice not to be jealous, or lied to, or led on. not strung about like it matters much, I just wish that it'd work, that you wouldn't lie when you said you'd work for us, just to meet, god, I'm so tired of every lie. because I would love to rig a gun to my phone and ask you to call me. because I know you never would. I'd live in my misery, happy?

Wed, 03 Dec 2003 20:46:58 GMT

it's not from lack of trying...

it's from lack of understanding.

just wish you'd understand.

le ex convo

Wed, 03 Dec 2003 02:28:55 GMT

MistaHupp: hey there...
fAux innerbeAuty: hi you.
MistaHupp: how goes?
MistaHupp: that good huh
fAux innerbeAuty: sorry.
fAux innerbeAuty: I'm doing okay.. got that headache you get from crying... you?
MistaHupp: i dont want an apology, ....think i need a beer, so its over with you and whats his face i guess?
fAux innerbeAuty: no idea.
fAux innerbeAuty: why?
fAux innerbeAuty: you going to have a beer?
MistaHupp: yea hope that doesnt make you want to stop talkin right now
MistaHupp: i could use some interaction...
fAux innerbeAuty: hi.
MistaHupp: hey
fAux innerbeAuty: how are you?
MistaHupp: dunno...been a wierd couple months, you?
fAux innerbeAuty: same.
MistaHupp: yea so last night...totally didnt see that no till i got back and by then you had disappeared on me
fAux innerbeAuty: =\
MistaHupp: ???
MistaHupp: ok...so in that case moving on to my next inquiry, you alright?
fAux innerbeAuty: as okay as I'll get.... you?
MistaHupp: i dont wanna talk about me i wanna whats goin on with you
fAux innerbeAuty: I don't want to talk about me..
MistaHupp: ok could you just tell me why youve been cryin though
fAux innerbeAuty: I'm being an emotional little brat lately.
fAux innerbeAuty: I cried over The Lion King..
MistaHupp: the lion king?
fAux innerbeAuty: yes. the disney movie.
MistaHupp: ...why?
fAux innerbeAuty: because I'm on an emotional warpath.
MistaHupp: what else made you cry
fAux innerbeAuty: just.. a lot of shit and stress I'm putting on myself...
MistaHupp: why you doin this to yourself gin?
fAux innerbeAuty: it's my personality... I'm sure you've realised that by now....
MistaHupp: yea and i hate it, it always seems like your in some kind of pain and theres nothing anyone can do
MistaHupp: you dont let anyone in
fAux innerbeAuty: you know me better than most...
MistaHupp: pieces of love never go away...
fAux innerbeAuty: ?
MistaHupp: im just always worried bout you
fAux innerbeAuty: what did you mean by that.
MistaHupp: i worry about you thats all...
fAux innerbeAuty: why? I'm not worth it.
MistaHupp: you just need something to hold on to...
fAux innerbeAuty: what do you mean?
MistaHupp: security
MistaHupp: somethin to count on
fAux innerbeAuty: why
MistaHupp: cause i know how you were when you had it and when you dont
fAux innerbeAuty: what do you men?
fAux innerbeAuty: mean*
MistaHupp: i remember how you used to be when we went out and i know you know, you were better off with someone to hold on to
fAux innerbeAuty: yea...
MistaHupp: did i ever tell you im sorry for leaving you?
fAux innerbeAuty: no, but I don't understand.
MistaHupp: ...im just sorry
MistaHupp: ...got scared
fAux innerbeAuty: it happens.
MistaHupp: was fucked up that it did though
fAux innerbeAuty: ?
MistaHupp: it was a mistake thats all
fAux innerbeAuty: and mistakes happen.
MistaHupp: shouldnt have
fAux innerbeAuty: can't help it sometimes.
MistaHupp: you need to stop bein emo and beat someone up
fAux innerbeAuty: yea.
fAux innerbeAuty: or let people in so Ican stop being lonely.
MistaHupp: now there's an idea
MistaHupp: who're you gunna start with
MistaHupp: :crosses fingers: :whispers please let it be the guy in my class that stares at me:
fAux innerbeAuty: ?
MistaHupp: couldnt think of anyone better....
fAux innerbeAuty: ehh.
MistaHupp: ok how bout me or cheech or your cat
fAux innerbeAuty: my cat's a girl....
MistaHupp: ok well theres still me or the bear
fAux innerbeAuty: bear?
MistaHupp: cheech, i call him the bear sometimes
fAux innerbeAuty: oh okay.
fAux innerbeAuty: so.. my cat's looking pretty good..
MistaHupp: as in you wanna hook up with it or thatll be the first youll let in cause i be after everyone else
fAux innerbeAuty: haha.
MistaHupp: its disturbing how serious i was

le convo once more

Wed, 03 Dec 2003 02:04:03 GMT

rabocsenad: hello
fAux innerbeAuty: hi you... I was just talking about you.
fAux innerbeAuty: good job today.
rabocsenad: huh
fAux innerbeAuty: nevermind.
fAux innerbeAuty: how are you?
rabocsenad: no, what did you mean by that
fAux innerbeAuty: nevermind.
fAux innerbeAuty: how are you?
rabocsenad: i dont know
fAux innerbeAuty: why?
rabocsenad: i just dont.
fAux innerbeAuty: oh okay.
fAux innerbeAuty: something wrong?
rabocsenad: yup.
fAux innerbeAuty: feel like sharing?
rabocsenad: no.
fAux innerbeAuty: at least want to let me know what it's about?
rabocsenad: no.
fAux innerbeAuty: okay.
fAux innerbeAuty: did I do something wrong?
rabocsenad: no.
rabocsenad: stop asking questions about me
rabocsenad: and stuff like that
fAux innerbeAuty: fine.
fAux innerbeAuty: I don't seem to be able to do anything right with anyone today. fucking jesus christ.
fAux innerbeAuty: if I'm such a fucking inconvenience for you, tell me you don't want me around.
fAux innerbeAuty: maybe it'll finally stop this from hurting so much.
fAux innerbeAuty: maybe I'll finally get some closure, even if it's not what I wanted.
rabocsenad: stop.
rabocsenad: i do not not want you around.
rabocsenad: i dont even know.
fAux innerbeAuty: stop what! how can I stop doing something when you won't tell me what's wrong or what's bothering you.'
rabocsenad: im not just keeping you around for a consolation prize if that journal entry is about me...
fAux innerbeAuty: Dan.. I just want to know how to make you feel better, how to be there for you.. anything. I'm so scared of screwing up.
fAux innerbeAuty: then why am I still here.
rabocsenad: cause you're my friend, ginny.
fAux innerbeAuty: is that all I'll ever be?
rabocsenad: i thought so.
fAux innerbeAuty: you thought so what
rabocsenad: i dont know.
rabocsenad: maybe something'll happen sometime.
rabocsenad: but not now.
rabocsenad: sorry.
rabocsenad: stop pressuring me for it.
fAux innerbeAuty: why
rabocsenad: you cant force me.
fAux innerbeAuty: I'm not pressuring for you. I just want to know.
fAux innerbeAuty: what is going on.
rabocsenad: nothing
rabocsenad: i have to go, before i rip my scalp off my head.
rabocsenad: :-) how wonderful.
fAux innerbeAuty: isn't it.
fAux innerbeAuty: bye then.
rabocsenad: nevermind..
fAux innerbeAuty: what
fAux innerbeAuty: I'm sorry. but apparently doing that is wrong too.
rabocsenad: what
rabocsenad: oh..
rabocsenad: and what did eleanor roosevelt say
fAux innerbeAuty: no one can make you feel inferior but yourself.
rabocsenad: eh.
rabocsenad: ok i really ahve to go.
fAux innerbeAuty: yea.
fAux innerbeAuty: okay.
fAux innerbeAuty: just... if you feel like talking, you know where to find me,
rabocsenad: uh huh.
rabocsenad: would you stop

Auto response from fAux innerbeAuty:
such a mother FUCKING failure.

rabocsenad: god damn it what am i supposed to do.

Auto response from fAux innerbeAuty:
such a mother FUCKING failure.

rabocsenad: i like you, youre beautiful and cool to an extreme degree, i want you to be my friend, i want you close to me.
rabocsenad: and you said that if your feelings or WHATEVER is getting in the way of making it work normally, then i should tell you. how else can i tell you. you're driving me away, but it won't work, i'm not that easy to get rid of. just please stop thinking about me, you can ask danielle, i'm horrible, you don't want me.
rabocsenad signed off at 7:31:09 PM.
rabocsenad signed on at 7:41:53 PM.
rabocsenad signed off at 7:45:54 PM.
rabocsenad signed on at 7:48:59 PM.
rabocsenad signed off at 8:16:28 PM.
rabocsenad signed on at 8:17:16 PM.
fAux innerbeAuty: what makes you think you're horrible? and why would Danielle think so?

Auto response from rabocsenad: Hey, Ho, Lets go..

Shoot him in the back, now.

rabocsenad: just because.
rabocsenad: oh..
fAux innerbeAuty: ..?
rabocsenad: you don't really know.
fAux innerbeAuty: no.
rabocsenad: calling yourself paranoid is an understatement compared to myself.
fAux innerbeAuty: ?
rabocsenad: which would be why i indulge myself in a world of illusions and fantacies. i accually enjoy being detached, nothing hurts as much if youre detached.
rabocsenad: i dont know.
rabocsenad: im a fucking basket case.
fAux innerbeAuty: I understand.
rabocsenad: and you caught me at a bad time.
fAux innerbeAuty: I know how that is.. trust me.
rabocsenad: i was about to go play with my little brother.
fAux innerbeAuty: I usually catch you at a bad time.

Auto response from rabocsenad: My alternate self calls.
He says hello.

mmm convo

Tue, 02 Dec 2003 23:04:07 GMT

x peer pressure: hello love.
fAux innerbeAuty: hey darling.
x peer pressure: how are you
fAux innerbeAuty: ehh. you?
x peer pressure: same here, to say the least. he talks to me more than ever now, all first period to be exact. hes moved hes seat, apparently, to befriend me more so. he requested my cell phone number so he can text me when he needs to talk. its a shame that im just someone whos, well, around.
fAux innerbeAuty: =\ it may change..
x peer pressure: i told him everything, every last detail, and he so graciously replied with i feel the same way.
x peer pressure: then added a "but...".. as people like him tend to do.
x peer pressure: but im trying to work things out with these other girls he says
x peer pressure: like music to my ears, i already knew that much. whats his point i ask? he says he wants me to wait around.
fAux innerbeAuty: wow. him and Dan must read from the same book.
fAux innerbeAuty: what girls?
x peer pressure: because this is the andrew dmv and he promises everyone will get a turn, im just much further back in line then kristina and danielle.
x peer pressure: it was just danielle and jamie, now no jamie, not much danielle, and tons of kristina whom acts to me like she has less than an interest
fAux innerbeAuty: =\ why?
x peer pressure: and whom i believe is doing this because she can and not because she wants it.
x peer pressure: i dont know. we played hangman all morning, he joked about sugar. its funny when someone so sweet turns out to be the cruelest person youve ever met, but he cant even recognize it.
fAux innerbeAuty: I know exactly what you mean.
fAux innerbeAuty: Lauren, I love your way with words.
x peer pressure: i talked to dan today for the first time in days, he was wandering the parking lot and he stepped by danielles car, i asked how he was and he said good, walked away, came back and asked how i was, and it made for a great impression.
x peer pressure: really>
x peer pressure: ?*
fAux innerbeAuty: what do you mean?
fAux innerbeAuty: yea, really.
x peer pressure: thank you.
x peer pressure: what do i mean as far as ?
fAux innerbeAuty: it made for a great impression.
x peer pressure: i didnt have much of an opinion of him. he left the car and i thought ok, whatever. he stopped, turned back, and asked how i was. it was a site. it made me feel like maybe some people have hope.
x peer pressure: as though he can mess up, recognize it, then correct it.
fAux innerbeAuty: ohhh.
x peer pressure: the littlest actions make for the biggest showings.
fAux innerbeAuty: okay. I wasn't sure if it was sarcasm or not.
x peer pressure: nope, truely
fAux innerbeAuty: I'm glad then.,
x peer pressure: yeah, i suppose
x peer pressure: in the hall i screamed today
fAux innerbeAuty: screamed? why?
x peer pressure: like literally, i was talking to people, then i just screamed, really loudly
x peer pressure: i dont know... because for once i wasnt on guard, for once i just didnt care
x peer pressure: and a few people looked up, but otherwise it wasnt that big of a deal
fAux innerbeAuty: tha'ts okay...
x peer pressure: i guess so, i just dont understand how people can go to this school with the people who attend everyday and somehow make the best of it.
x peer pressure: its grueling, and im tired of it all. andrew wants me to get left back. i think id rather die.
fAux innerbeAuty: =\ I think Andrew should skip a year then.. and Dan stay back.
x peer pressure: Yeah. Seriously.
x peer pressure: things have just gotten so.. damn.. difficult to tolerate. i mean, i had a good day. andrew and i got on fine. yet i still feel this lingering feeling of.. well dissapointment i suppose. you know what i mean?
fAux innerbeAuty: I know exactly what you mean.
x peer pressure: i wish you could graduate this year with me. you dont need this kind of stuff. no one does.
fAux innerbeAuty: especially you.
x peer pressure: there should be a maturity test to determine whether someone belongs in high school or not, not a brains test. itd make for a much nicer learning enviornment.
x peer pressure: i feel like im too old for these little games. yet i cant help but play, and even if i sometimes resist i always manage to watch from the side lines anyway
fAux innerbeAuty: yea...
fAux innerbeAuty: do you know what you should do? I'm thinking of doing this.. just randomly asking him out. because I don't want to be a consolation prize at all..
x peer pressure: Yeah, i hear ya ten fold.
x peer pressure: the more i hangout with him and around him the more he likes me. if they werent around, i assure you, wed be the first place tropheys.
x peer pressure: well, we are now, theyre just competing in the wrong games
fAux innerbeAuty: yea...
x peer pressure: if rich feola liked kristina, andrew wouldnt have ever stood a chance.
x peer pressure: its like, this huge horrid web.
fAux innerbeAuty: yea. and Danielle broke Rich, right?
x peer pressure: im good for him. he knows it. hes just convinced kristina is better. as far as dan, abes has horrifying hair.
x peer pressure: yep. horribly.
x peer pressure: They are letting a little word called indecision prevent them from... us.
fAux innerbeAuty: yes.
x peer pressure: im going to memphis during the winter break.
x peer pressure: god help me if i come back.
fAux innerbeAuty: =/ think you won't?
x peer pressure: physically i will. . .
x peer pressure: but i want someone new to come home for new years.
x peer pressure: i came back a totally renewed and better person after 10th grade.
x peer pressure: and the past two years has completely undone the work put in
fAux innerbeAuty: =\
fAux innerbeAuty: tell Andrew everything you're telling me.
x peer pressure: there isnt cause
x peer pressure: here, ill show you this conversation him and i had on .. saturday.
x peer pressure wants to directly connect.
x peer pressure is now directly connected.
x peer pressure: Xpeer pressure: so howve you been
NJDevils92687: ok i suppose
NJDevils92687: urself?
Xpeer pressure: pretty good
NJDevils92687: kool
NJDevils92687: can i ask u somethin?
Xpeer pressure: sure
NJDevils92687: u talk to kristina right?
Xpeer pressure: yup
NJDevils92687: well i like her and stuff....i kno i bounce aroun a lot..hehe....but i think shes that person...does she mention me ever?
NJDevils92687: i mean i think she likes me and stuff but idk
Xpeer pressure: well...
Xpeer pressure: not sure if im suppost to be telling you, but i was never sworn to secrecy, she said she may, but she doesnt really know, and shes probably more fickle than you lol, but i think its a possibilty
NJDevils92687: fickle?
Xpeer pressure: yeah.. you know, changing mind back and forth about things very often
NJDevils92687: o ok
NJDevils92687: just wonderin..
NJDevils92687: hehe
Xpeer pressure: k
Xpeer pressure: ill talk to her tomorrow about stuff if it comes up were hanging out i believe
NJDevils92687: u dont have to
Xpeer pressure: itll probably come up anyway.
NJDevils92687: i dont want her to think im puttin u up to it
NJDevils92687: ha
NJDevils92687: alrite..
Xpeer pressure: yeh
Xpeer pressure: no problem.
NJDevils92687: alrighty
NJDevils92687: so wuts new?
Xpeer pressure: uhhh, same old i guess
NJDevils92687: alrite
NJDevils92687: u alright?
Xpeer pressure: uh huh
NJDevils92687: k..
NJDevils92687: just wonderin
NJDevils92687: :-D
Xpeer pressure: k
Xpeer pressure: anything new with you
NJDevils92687: not really
NJDevils92687: i really gotta start doin work in s-mans class
NJDevils92687: i did 2 photo terms..
Xpeer pressure: yeah, im probably behind cause i was out for so long
NJDevils92687: ehh
Xpeer pressure: i got an A for the 1st mp though and i didn't do much
NJDevils92687: not really
NJDevils92687: he was out a lot also
Xpeer pressure: yeah
Xpeer pressure: i took a bunch of new pictures lately
NJDevils92687: kool
Xpeer pressure: i suppose.
Xpeer pressure: can i talk to you about something?
NJDevils92687: sure..
Xpeer pressure: alright, so i heard that my friend adam apparently went up to you the other day and asked you some things. first off, i didnt put him up to that. secondly, i dont want you to get the wrong impression of anything.
NJDevils92687: its kool
NJDevils92687: dont worry about it..
Xpeer pressure: Im not worried, just want to kind of clear things up a bit.
NJDevils92687: well i heard even before that u had an interest in me..
NJDevils92687: its kool
NJDevils92687: if thats even true..
NJDevils92687: but yea i understand everything i guess
Xpeer pressure: alright, see, i think you're a cool guy, and that you're really good looking. so the second i even mention you to anyone, its assumed that im in love with you, and things have sort of been taken out of proportion.
NJDevils92687: yea...Adam was like "yea she really really likes u"
NJDevils92687: and i told him stuff im assuming he told u
NJDevils92687: and thanks for the compliment
NJDevils92687: i also think the same about u.:-D
Xpeer pressure: Oh you're welcome....
Xpeer pressure: Thanks
Xpeer pressure: It's just, I feel as though it's all been a bit overdramatized
NJDevils92687: just right now ive been mixed up with like 2 girls and now Kristina pops up and i think she likes me/hope she does...just i have been thinkin about her a lot lately
NJDevils92687: not as much as u would think
NJDevils92687: ive had worse..
Xpeer pressure: Yeah, I totally understand, and see, I'm the kind of person who doesn't like to interupt in other people's affairs... Like, I know about what's going on with them, and I didn't want to interfere, which is why I haven't brought any of this up to you
NJDevils92687: yea..
NJDevils92687: i got ya
NJDevils92687: im for the most part the same way
Xpeer pressure: I also kind of feel like...
Xpeer pressure: I don't really know how to put it
NJDevils92687: just say it how it comes to mind..
Xpeer pressure: Uhm, as though I may have prefered kind of letting things be, not pushing you, and then I got pretty upset to hear that it's been talked about ...
NJDevils92687: talked about like me and adam?
Xpeer pressure: Yeah, and other people as well
NJDevils92687: i can understand that...its really none of their business but as far as Adam goes hes a good guy and he meant well
Xpeer pressure: Oh of course
Xpeer pressure: I just would've prefered to have talked to you about it myself when the time was right, which I didn't think was now...
NJDevils92687: yep
NJDevils92687: i got ya...
Xpeer pressure: Plus I didn't really want to deal with a situation of feeling funny because I saw you differently than you saw me, I didn't want to really affect our friendship, I thought it was something I could kind of just leave as it was and if anything ever came of it thatd be awesome ...
Xpeer pressure: but I wouldnt have pushed it
NJDevils92687: yea i understand
NJDevils92687: sometimes pushing stuff makes things worse than they have to be
Xpeer pressure: Yeah, Im not really that kind of person. I mean, who knows what could happen, but Id rather end up really thrilled about something rather than crushed in dissapointment
Xpeer pressure: .. this is kind of hard for me to talk about.
NJDevils92687: yea
NJDevils92687: same here
NJDevils92687: change the subject..
x peer pressure: and that was that, the subject was changed and not brought back up.
x peer pressure: i dont want to be seen as pathetic, ginny.
fAux innerbeAuty: I hate that "change subject" thing.
x peer pressure: Yeah.
fAux innerbeAuty: haha see, can't help you there. I'm pretty sure I've mastered both pathetic and desperate/obsessive.
x peer pressure: Haha, i refuse to be seen like that. i play it down. i just dont want him to pity me. i want him to think i can handle this.
fAux innerbeAuty: see, I'm not that strong or patient.
fAux innerbeAuty: I hate waiting for something that may never happen.
x peer pressure: i know with a certain certainty that this is just a little andrew fad happening, same as what ive witnessed with jason along the years, and if im patient itll die down, but im tired of this...
x peer pressure: yeah.
x peer pressure: tell me about it
fAux innerbeAuty: ? Jason fad ?
x peer pressure: yeah, since 6th grade jason has these moments.. months or weeks long, when he is just in demand.
x peer pressure: then it just dies down
x peer pressure: and thats whats happening with andrew, bc i started talking to him PRE all this shit, if only i had spoken sooner
fAux innerbeAuty: how so?
fAux innerbeAuty: rabocsenad: im not just keeping you around for a consolation prize if that journal entry is about me...
x peer pressure: yeah, i love when they reference to things and claim it to be false.
x peer pressure: if it were false we wouldnt feel the need to feel it, right?
fAux innerbeAuty: that makes me feel minimally better. this just sucks, I'm on an emotional warpath lately. I cry over everything.
fAux innerbeAuty: exactly.
x peer pressure: i hear ya!
x peer pressure: i literally will just like... tear up
x peer pressure: and i FORCE it back.
fAux innerbeAuty: I ususally just cry when I'm alone.
x peer pressure: bc god forbid i cry in public, the world stops...
x peer pressure: i find it harder to cry when im alone
x peer pressure: with no one to console...
x peer pressure: not that the fake words help much, but it gives levridge to stop crying.
fAux innerbeAuty: it is harder.. but there's less drama.
x peer pressure: if i were to go to school tomorrow and just cry, alot of people would get very upset and very intrusive.
x peer pressure: yeah, people just "care."
x peer pressure: or just see an opportunity to look good.
fAux innerbeAuty: yea.
x peer pressure: i want to hit dan for you.
fAux innerbeAuty: you have no idea how badly I want to hurt him right now.
x peer pressure: still talking to him?
x peer pressure: "is this weird...do I scare her?
I'll wish on this, I'll wish with this
I wish...that you could share the love you'd shared with others, with me
this isn't love so forever let it go...forever will it burn
this isn't love there on the backend of forever I wish I would never hurt again" coheed and cambria.
fAux innerbeAuty: fAux innerbeAuty: how are you?
rabocsenad: i dont know
fAux innerbeAuty: why?
rabocsenad: i just dont.
fAux innerbeAuty: oh okay.
fAux innerbeAuty: something wrong?
rabocsenad: yup.
fAux innerbeAuty: feel like sharing?
rabocsenad: no.
fAux innerbeAuty: at least want to let me know what it's about?
rabocsenad: no.
fAux innerbeAuty: okay.
fAux innerbeAuty: did I do something wrong?
rabocsenad: no.
rabocsenad: stop asking questions about me
rabocsenad: and stuff like that
fAux innerbeAuty: fine.
fAux innerbeAuty: I don't seem to be able to do anything right with anyone today. fucking jesus christ.
fAux innerbeAuty: if I'm such a fucking inconvenience for you, tell me you don't want me around.
fAux innerbeAuty: maybe it'll finally stop this from hurting so much.
fAux innerbeAuty: maybe I'll finally get some closure, even if it's not what I wanted.
rabocsenad: stop.
rabocsenad: i do not not want you around.
rabocsenad: i dont even know.
fAux innerbeAuty: stop what! how can I stop doing something when you won't tell me what's wrong or what's bothering you.'
rabocsenad: im not just keeping you around for a consolation prize if that journal entry is about me...
fAux innerbeAuty: Dan.. I just want to know how to make you feel better, how to be there for you.. anything. I'm so scared of screwing up.
fAux innerbeAuty: then why am I still here.
rabocsenad: cause you're my friend, ginny.
fAux innerbeAuty: is that all I'll ever be?
rabocsenad: i thought so.
fAux innerbeAuty: you thought so what
rabocsenad: i dont know.
rabocsenad: maybe something'll happen sometime.
rabocsenad: but not now.
rabocsenad: sorry.
rabocsenad: stop pressuring me for it.
fAux innerbeAuty: why
rabocsenad: you cant force me.
fAux innerbeAuty: I'm not pressuring for you. I just want to know.
fAux innerbeAuty: what is going on.
rabocsenad: nothing
rabocsenad: i have to go, before i rip my scalp off my head.
rabocsenad: :-) how wonderful.
fAux innerbeAuty: isn't it.
fAux innerbeAuty: bye then.
fAux innerbeAuty: coheed is best.
x peer pressure: they are, and wow, he needs to be hung...
fAux innerbeAuty: =\
x peer pressure: WTF its like they all drink out of the same poisened canteen!
fAux innerbeAuty: I really think so.
x peer pressure: *huge heavy overdramatic sigh*
fAux innerbeAuty: I know.
x peer pressure direct connection is closed.

Tue, 02 Dec 2003 20:24:58 GMT

I'm a teensy bit frustrated in light of my new circumstances.

whereas I tend to read between the lines, yea, a lot, and I think I may be misinterpreting what Dan says, maybe I'm just paranoid, but when I see him during the day, it seems more personal.

I'm just so scared of being a consolation prize.

and I love Mick for the cigarette he gave me.

Tue, 02 Dec 2003 02:38:42 GMT

NiRVaNA 6 3 97: ginny, your amazing, if i can be half the person you are b4 i die, i can die happy, and thats the truth

allergies to ammonia.

Mon, 01 Dec 2003 23:12:18 GMT

first real entry.
whateve.
I ♥ Dan.
but.. I don't know what's going on with him. a bit frustrating... but it'll be worth it in the end, I'm certain.... it won't be as bad as it is now... any closure is good closure, even if not in my favour.. anyway, this is dull, I move onto bigger and better things...

<3

Mon, 01 Dec 2003 22:45:36 GMT

the snow falls just for us
as it rains all around
being held so tight
there is no tomorrow
and you're not coming back.

Mon, 01 Dec 2003 22:44:00 GMT

rabocsenad: i tottally don't have anything going on with that girl melissa. yuuup. i read your notes after school... im glad youre still intrested in me, i was kinda afraid you got like.. sick of me and stuff

[1]

Tue, 11 Nov 2003 21:57:24 GMT

wind blown and tear streaken
you crash through my door.
onto the sofa where we shared
our first movie, our first kiss
the very first argument
and the very latest break-up.
you sweep me into your arms
and wipe away my dazed look with
your eyes and you whisper
I feel your breath in my ear
"I missed you."
I look at you, your lips against mine
in sync, kissing, I love you.